Dipping Your Pen in the Office Ink?
I work with this guy that I have the craziest sexual chemistry with. He’s not my type at all, not in looks, personality, or anything like that … but there’s something about him that just makes me feel drawn to him. Or my vagina feels drawn to him. I’m not sure which it is. We have this mild flirtation going on during work hours, and at first, I thought it was just something we did to pass the time. But then I noticed that it was only me that he flirted like that with, and it was spilling out into out-of-work hours. He wasn’t that flirty with the other women that worked there, just me.
So, I find myself single for the first time in a while and I start looking at this guy in a different kind of way. I’m not getting any action from anywhere else, and he’s showing me a fair bit of interest now that I’m not out of reach and in a relationship. So … I think I might want to fuck him. Maybe. Probably. Quite a lot, actually.
But there are so many things that tell me he’s not right for me, in any kind of way. To start with, he has a child. That’s a massive no-no for me. I’m not interested in playing step-mama to someone else’s kid, and there’s this whole drug-taking mama, custody battle situation going on. That’s not something I want to get myself involved with. It all sounds rather nasty, to be honest. Not my cup of tea. Not something I have time to dabble in.
Not only that, I find him incredibly difficult to get along with. He’s above me in the chain of command and takes great pleasure in ordering me around, and on some days, it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. And undermining. And fucking soul-destroying. But then there are the other days and on those days, it turns me on immensely when he bosses me around. Boss me around some more, please. Yep, and a bit more.
Appearance-wise, he’s absolutely the opposite of what I’d go for. Not in a bad way, just in a he’s-not-my-type way. He’s not unattractive, but I don’t really find him attractive either. There’s nothing about him that makes me want to whip my panties down and throw them at him, but yet, at the same time, there is. But it’s all about the way he is with me. The authoritative nature and bossy, undermining ways.
So, what’s the deal? What’s the attraction? And why’s it so inconsistent? We’re good friends, and trust me when I tell that it took me a LONG time to get my way to friend status with the guy. He’s the least trusting, most cynical, most hard and sharp man I know. He’s surrounded by thorns and I had to get stabbed with a truckload of them before he finally let me inside the spiky exterior. But, you know, I did it. I cracked him. I’m in. And now that I am in, I want to be let in a little bit more. He’s like this unbeatable puzzle, the ultimate man-in-need-of-fixing-that-can’t-be-fixed … except I am beating the puzzle. He is letting me in.
See, all of my personal thoughts on this guy aside, we’ve got a policy at work where you’re not allowed to diddle the people you work with, so it’s not like anything can actually happen between us. And imagine what would happen if we did and it all went wrong. But I want it to. I’ve had dreams about it, like the dream I had last night that prompted me to write this blog post. In my dream, he was a master in bed. He understood my body like he’d been studying it for a couple of decades and I woke up thrusting against my hand, belly-down in bed, underwear already soaked through and about to get more so. But in real life, he doesn’t strike me as that kind of lover. He’s always made truthful jokes about how little action he’s had and how he doesn’t think he’s all that in bed, so why does all of that knowledge go out the window when I think about him? Or dream about him?
Maybe I’ve just not had sex for too long?
Since I might lose my job if I do fuck him, it’s probably best that I don’t.
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